A Lot of Little Winks

I am certain I have made mistakes as a parent, just like parents everywhere.  However, most of the parents I know are terrific, love their kids like crazy, treat them with respect and are raising them to be awesome people.  It's to parents like this that I pose a question today...what do we do when we witness bad parenting?  I'm not talking about physical abuse, because I suspect most people would report such an incident.  But what do you do when its verbal? In public? Let me tell you what I witnessed a few months back:

I was walking through a party supply store, browsing the wares of action figures, pirates, monkeys and robots.  The store was pretty quiet, most people planning their own events in their heads as I was.  There was one woman in the aisle behind me talking very loudly on her cell phone (a pet peeve of mine anyway).  Her voice came closer and as she walked by I saw a young girl, probably five years old, trailing behind her.  The little girl had a balloon in her mouth she had picked up out of the bulk balloon bin, and she was trying to blow it up.  The girl was barely keeping up with her mother, and the mother was barely watching her daughter.  However, with a backward glance the mother spotted the saliva covered balloon in the little girl's hand. The mother exploded. 

She began screaming--SCREAMING--at her daughter for taking the balloon.  Of course, the little girl started to cry.  More yelling now about crying and the balloon, which resulted in more crying and more screaming.  As if the entire scene wasn't uncomfortable enough, it got worse.  The mother was still on the phone and began telling the person on the other end of the line what the little girl had done, and then loudly continued to describe her daughter using words like "brat", "little thief", "dumb" and "stupid".  Not just into the phone, but loud enough for all of us in the store to hear.



I'm not sure how I was able to observe the incident without the mother's notice, but I was able to watch the child's face.  As she heard her mother's belittling words the tears stopped, the frown stayed and she dropped her eyes to the floor.  She folded her arms as if to cover herself up.  Her face and her body language looked so brokenhearted I couldn't take my eyes off of her.  She must have felt my gaze because she lifted her head and looked right at me.  I smiled and gave her a wink.  Her expression in her eyes changed for maybe an instant, then her mother yelled for her to "come on!" and she scattered away down another aisle out of site.

Now some people might say "well, she needed to be taught a lesson about stealing", and they would be correct, however, there's got to be a better way than that man!  I mean, couldn't this incident be a real opportunity to teach?  With consequences too if you like, but does public humiliation really have to be part of the game plan? 

So this is the question...what do we do when we witness behavior we believe to be at the least incorrect (yes, I know I'm sounding all 'super-parent' ) and probably harmful? Is there any way to report "self-esteem abuse"?  Or is it none of our damn business? 

I don't know.  I thought the mother at the party supply store handled the whole thing abominably, but who am I to judge?  Does that make me a Mom Snob?  A Nosey Neighbor?  All I know is I think about that little girl often and I hope her mother was just having a bad day.  If not, I hope that little girl  has plenty of people in her life to give her a lot of little winks.

Sometimes Video Games are A OK

Both of my boys are football lovers--guess you can say it runs in the family.  But football is kind of a tough game to grasp for younger kids, lets say 7 and under.  There are rules and regs, penalties, challenges, loss of down, third-down conversions---real strategy. 

My oldest, who is 14, not only plays the game himself (awesome middle linebacker) but he loves to play Madden Football on his Playstation game system.  Well, his little brother, age 7, started watching him play about a year ago.  The more he watched this game, because it is EXACTLY played out like a real game, the more he understood football, the players, their positions, etc.  Soon he requested his own Madden game, and for Christmas, they both got the 2010 version of Madden football.

So what?  Another video game to keep kids on the couch?  Not even.  My 7 year old son learned stats--which requires math skills. He practices drills with his NFL Nerf football on a daily basis in the living room--not exactly a couch potato.  He collects cards and organizes them by team or team colors or whatever--but he's sorting and using patterns.  He asks to play "name that football team" on drives in the car which enhances all of our memories.  He lives and breaths football, right along with Star Wars and Legos and stuffed animals.  And where last season he passed on signing up for Flag Football, my guess is next Fall he won't, and it might just be his video game that inspired him onto the field.

One More Tradition?

I love watching my kids at Christmas.  Even my teen, as he gets older, enjoys the festivities and the surprises of the season.  My youngest, this year, had a new Christmas request.
       "Please Mom, may I leave the window open?"
He begged me to allow him to leave his bedroom window open on Christmas Eve.  Only then would he be able to hear the jingling of Santa's sleigh bells and clickety-clack of his reindeer's hooves.
      "And then when I hear it, I'll be able to see Rudolph's nose lighting up the front yard!".
He had his checklist and evening agenda all planned out: cookies for Santa-check, carrots for the reindeer-check, in his jammies and cooperatively into bed on time-check (into bed---not necessarily asleep---for hours!), what would one more tradition hurt?

I tried to give him the logical argument "Honey, it's freezing outside."
He answered just as logically, " I'll put on extra blankets and my hat and gloves."

Well, this mom said "no way."  Think of the cold he might catch, think of the plethora of safety violations involved here? ;-)

But it did make me wonder about kids in warmer climates?  In rural areas where they say "nobody locks their doors or windows way out here"?  After all, we had spent the entire evening tracking Sants's wherabouts on NORAD, and he'd gone through many very warm countries! Is leaving the window open a Christmas Eve tradition--somewhere?

Luckily, he was only disappointed for a short while...this slight hiccup in his plan only meant he had to listen for Santa and his sleigh EVEN HARDER...and I think that's a tradition in itself, that we've all had.

Gooey Romantic Gift Idea (I apologize ahead of time if you aren't the gooey type...)

Need a mega romantic idea for your hubby on his next birthday? (to give along with that new gadget phone if you must) Buy a journal, preferabley with a cover that coordinates with your husbands interests, then, depending on how old he is, think of that many reasons why you love him and put one reason per page.  For example, if he's turning 40...title the book "Forty reasons why I love you".  They can be sweet and gooey, funny, trivial, sexy, ahem...whatever you're into.  Use photos, magazine cut-outs, whatever you (and he) like.  And if you can't thnk of 40 reasons why you love your significant other, well, maybe there are more things to worry about then what to get him for his birthday.

From The Reading Desk

For us...

I know this book has been around for awhile, but I figured it took me awhile to get to it, so maybe you haven't yet either.  It's not too spooky, it's beautifully written and will take you traveling all over the world.  There is romance and suspence and rich histories of many different cultures.  And oh yes, before I forget, it is about Count Dracula and the possibility he still roams among us!  It is The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova.  It' is fab!  How fab?  I read all 700 and some pages in four days! (that's saying something considering my schedule).

Now For the Wee ones...

Knuffle Bunny and Knuffle Bunny Too by Mo willems.  These delightful books follow Trixie's adventrures with her parents and her beloved Knuffle Bunny.  Cheerful illustrations over a black and white backdrop of New York City give a lesson in community basics, love, loss, friendship and reunion.  These are delightful!  And don't let the boys miss out because the main character is a girl...my son loved it so much he memorized it before he could even read!

Vitamin D: to do or not to do?

There is a big push for Vitamin D this winter.  We're hearing about it on TV and in all of the women's mags.  Not only is it supposed to be good for bone strength and bone density, but it's supposed to give a big boost to your immune system.  These sources are recommending 1000IU per day, but that depends on how much you already get from other sources.  For example, our pediatrician said 1000IU was too much for my teen, and my husband works outside, so he gets a ton from the sun and too much can be toxic.  It also depends on what other meds you are taking so be sure and always check with your doctor before putting yourself on a supplement.

Kids Need a Break Too

So, we are settling in nicely to the school year, some would say we are on our way out already! Truthfully, the second half of the school year is quite often more challenging than the first. The introductions and grace periods are over. Students know what is expected of them.

Keep your child from educational burnout by helping them on their journey. You know the basics--healthy food, plenty of sleep (at least 10-11 hours for the little ones), even for teens, though we are smart enough to know they won't get it! And of course, plenty of exercise.

Beyond the basics, reward them every couple of weeks for their hard work. Pick a day for them to have an hour of downtime before homework, stop in and have lunch with your first grader, or let your teen slack off on chores for a day. Just like we need a break from the office, the family and dishes, like we need a latte and some chocolate, or a ladies night out complete with dirty martinis, our kids need a break too. They need a time to refresh, relax and feel appreciated for who they are and what they do. Picture yourself in their shoes for a day and you'll realize they do a lot!